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Photo Credit: marcelo-moltedo: ” En el pais de los sueños… via Compfight cc
I enjoy speaking to book clubs because I love the wide-ranging discussions that result after smart, engaged people have read my book.
I was invited to a book club on Tuesday night, a book club that’s been going 40 years strong! Amazing.
My book prompted the women to think about when they had a first intimate knowledge of death. One woman had a grandma whose daughter died due to complications after having rheumatic fever. The woman grew up hearing the story from the grandma, and the sadness that was ever-present in her life. Another woman said she didn’t go to a funeral until she was in college–all of her relatives lived to be quite old.
Another woman said that she had an aunt who had cancer, but this was back in the days when the word “cancer” was rarely spoken. In fact, everyone EXCEPT the aunt knew about the cancer. This was also back in the days when doctors told the husbands of female patients the diagnosis, but not the patient herself. So crazy to imagine this today. The woman at the book club said she carried great guilt for keeping that secret from her aunt.
One woman had a sister who died in infancy, and the sister was never talked about again.
I think most everyone might have stories similar to this. Do you have one about silence, illness, and grief?
If You Have Five Seconds to Spare 
Wow. How awful, not telling someone they have cancer. Such an antiquated and twisted way of doing things! My first dealing with death was learning that my mother had a son (her first born) who died soon after being born. I remember finding out about it when I was very young and not understanding the situation. I couldn’t figure out if she was sad because she acted fine (of course this was years later when I came along). I assumed, in my childhood naiveté that she wasn’t that sad because she didn’t get a chance to really know him.
The most impactful loss for me has been losing my brother 14 years ago to cancer. He was 18 when he died. Someone recently asked me if I ever said Goodbye to him. This question sucked all of the air out of me. I truly did not realize that I’d never said goodbye. Denial is a tricky, crazy thing…. Elizabeth read a post I wrote about this today and referred me here. I’m glad she did!
Thanks for stopping by, Gretchen, and sharing your stories! It’s interesting to think about how little children see things and rationalize different situations.
My sympathies on the loss of your brother. “Saying goodbye” is probably worth another post. I believe people can intuit thoughts and feelings, especially in those situations. They don’t have to be said for people to know.