Tags
cemeteries, flowers, funeral, grave, memoir, Minnesota, photography
Emma Manske grave, Pilgrim’s Rest Cemetery, Mankato, Minnesota
This photo was among many collected by a great-aunt of my husband’s. My interest in cemeteries had led me to see many post-mortem photos, but I had not come across an old picture of a fresh gravesite before.
What strikes me is the copious amount of flowers. After Dad had closed a grave, he would let me place the casket spray on top of the freshly replaced sod. That was the extent of flowers on a grave in my experience.
Here, Emma’s grave is covered with bouquets and arrangements. A prominent “Our Daughter” is displayed at the foot of the grave:
I find this interesting because Emma was also a young mother, but I do not see a traditional “Mother” arrangement among these flowers.
Have you seen anything like this in recent years? Do you have old photos that show something similar? Please share–I’m interested in learning more about this custom.
Blind Willie McTell, “Lay Some Flowers On My Grave”:
If You Have Five Seconds to Spare 
Reblogged this on We'll Be the Last Ones to Let You Down and commented:
A post about cemetery flowers from two years ago. I like the old photos I included here; I haven’t seen anything like this in the modern era.
All my years as a floral designer sent me into more than my share of funeral homes.
Many funeral homes just have the florist leave flowers in a room and they take care of placement of the arrangments. I always preferred to do it myself if possible. I wanted to make sure things were as the family had requested. And just for the record I hated those glitter stickers put on the ribbons declaring the relation of the deceased. For years I thought it was just a way to show how much money was spent on the arrangement–credit for sending flowers so to speak!
I know that many times numerous arrangments were left at the grave for a day or so. Often the casket spray alone would be left on the grave.
And just because your post made me think of this—while living in Moorhead MN I worked at a floral Co. in Fargo, ND. I was sent out to a large Cemetery for a consultation. When I arrived the gentleman took me on a tour of their newly completed Mausoleum. He wanted several floral arrangements made to celebrate their grand opening. I designed several beautiful floral arrangements and delivered them for their “party”, On Oct 31’st–Halloween! I thought it was brilliant!
That’s right, Stacy–I forget that you would have a lot of experience in this area!
Did you take pictures of the flowers you did for the mausoleum opening? I bet they were beautiful! I love to hear about cemetery people with a good sense of humor!
I’ve saved the bouquet ribbons from the funeral of my husband, Lowell. I don’t know why but I didn’t think I should throw them away. They are someplace in a closet and I notice them once in a while.
I think it’s nice that you saved them, Margaret. It would feel strange to me, too, to throw away something like that.
In our family its become custom to remove the roses from the casket spray and distribute them among the family members in attendance at the graveside. It makes for a final moment to say one last goodbye as you remove the flower from the top of the casket.
That is a neat custom, Jill. Thanks for sharing!
I wonder if that tradition was more prevalent when a loved one’s body was displayed at home rather than in a funeral home – and before embalming was the norm. Since Daddy was 52 when I was born, and my maternal grandparents in their 70s, I was around funerals regularly while growing up, including his own when I was 13. I recall the masses of flowers placed on graves but in later years some people considered it tawdry and ostentatious to have so many flowers. Mother used to tell a story about some young girls who had to walk past a cemetery on their way to school and many days they would arrive with beautiful new ribbons in their hair taken from the bouquets!
Darlene, I love the image of girls with graveside flower ribbons in their hair!
I have a similar scene in my book. We had to remove artificial flowers from graves after Memorial Day if families didn’t do it themselves. I took the prettiest arrangements (frankly, most were cheap and ugly) and brought them home to play wedding.
Darlene, I remember overhearing people discuss the tawdry aspect of having been sent too many flowers. Strange, how what to one generation shows respect, to the next is embarrassing. Even stranger is the trivial things people people will bring up to talk about in the presence of the deeply bereaved.
I’ve been living with death/funerals ever since I was a child–but not because we were in the funeral/grave profession. There was a couple-year period when I was 8-12 when a LOT of relatives and close family friends died (some very young, some middle aged, many old), and of course it impacted the way I view death’s prominence in life.
In my family/culture elaborate flowers and plants are a huge part of the wake tradition (at one grandfather’s wake, there were 100 sprays/bouquets/plans, and he was just an ordinary guy, a highway department worker). But most of them are not taken to the grave. After the funeral, they’re dispersed among the living, and what the close kin doesn’t want or hasn’t room for, is taken to local nursing homes (which sounds morbid, but they remove the “mother/grandmother/our beloved sister” banners and dismantle them in ways that make them look more like birthday bouquets. The residents DO enjoy the color and greenery).
I kept a small, interesting pink-leaved plant (about 6″) given from my grandfather’s sister’s family (my favorite aunt and cousins) at his funeral. That it has become the lushest, happiest plant I’ve ever, ever had, gives me daily…. I don’t know what. Something. Comfort? Peace?
I don’t know how to upload a picture of it to your blog. If you can explain, I’ll do it. Otherwise I’ll put it on facebook.
I also have seen the many flowers that can fill funeral homes at visitations; I didn’t realize that many years ago those flowers were placed on the grave instead of being distributed among friends and family. I love the idea of bringing them to a nursing home so they can brighten someone’s day!
I’m not sure you can upload pictures in the comments section, unfortunately. If you want to send it to me I can upload it to the original post.
If you want the photo I’ll send it to you–it’s just a huge plant that means a lot to me, that when most people would see would think merely, “what a big unusual plant.”
On another note: I ran across this quote from a Flaubert letter (coincidentally, today–and in a book about travel, not about funerals or graves). He writes:
“I hate little gardens around graves, with well-raked flower beds and flowers in bloom. This antithesis has always seemed to me to have come out of a bad novel. When it comes to cemeteries, I like those that are run down, ravaged in ruins, full of thorns or tall weeds, and where a cow escaped from a neighbouring field has come to graze quietly. Admit that it is better than some policeman in uniform! How stupid order is!”
I had really never thought about the fact that funereal rights have their fashionability trends, just like every other cultural thing.
What a great quote from Flaubert! Can you tell me what book that appears in? I might have to use that in a future blog post š
Alain De Botton. “The Art of Travel.” (83ff). Pantheon, 2002.
I didn’t even know such arrangements existed until my own grandmother died – my cousin wanted to know if the grandchildren were going in on one with “Grandma” spelled out in gold glitter on the ribbon.
It gave me a shiver of horror for some reason. My cousin went ahead and did it, and I chipped in, but seeing that glittery thing at Grandma’s grave made the whole thing too much to bear.
(and no, I didn’t take a picture of it…)
I guess I don’t even think twice about those ribbons with words imprinted upon them. I’m glad you told us of your reaction!