Grandpa and Grandma Zimny, c. 1969. This is a rare photo of both of them together. Grandma died in 1978, Grandpa in 1992.
I miss my grandparents. Mine were always happy to see me. They were full of laughter and smiles, and their homes were places I loved to go. I got the sense that no matter what I did, they would be interested and proud.
When I meet people who are in their 30s and 40s who still have grandparents, I admit I become a little jealous.
I was 21 years old when my last grandparent, my Grandma Hager, died. She was 89, so I felt lucky to have her that long. But it got me thinking, is 21 on the young side to no longer have grandparents? Or average?
Grandma and Grandpa Hager, 1973. This photo was taken at their 45th wedding anniversary.
I am the youngest child in my family, born to parents who also were younger siblings (Dad the 12th out of 16, Mom third out of four). So part of it, too, is that my grandparents were already fairly old by the time I was born.
When I was born in 1974, all four of my grandparents were alive. Grandpa Hager died a month after my first birthday. Grandma Zimny died when I was four, but I have many memories of her because she lived next door and babysat me frequently. Grandpa Zimny died when I was 17.
I suppose that with advances in health care, each successive generation will have more time with grandparents. If I remember correctly, my dad was 10 when his last grandparent died. I think my mom was 19 or 20 (when she was born she had only two grandparents; it was her paternal grandparents who died in 1918 in the Spanish influenza pandemic, which I write about in my book).
But my niece and nephew have been left with only their grandmothers for the past several years, both of their grandfathers dying quite young.
We have a term for people without parents–orphans. What would be an appropriate term for those of us who no longer have our grandparents with us?
Let me know how long you’ve had with your grandparents. If they are still with us, you are blessed!
If You Have Five Seconds to Spare 
Hi i’m 15 and all of my grandparents have passed away except for my one grandmother. She is in her last days at the moment and is expected to die very soon. My heart is so broken as she was the only grandparent that I had a relationship with. This will also be my first experience with grief. I cant control my tears as i’m so young and everyone else has grandparents still alive. I’m also the youngest in my family which means all of my siblings have had relationships with my other grandparents except me. Any advice? X
I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother and I understand your feelings. It is hard to lose a relationship. But you have great memories that you can call up whenever you want. I still feel like I have a relationship with my grandparents and my dad, even though they have passed away. I can still feel their presence and that gives me comfort. I hope you can find the same. Hugs to you!
I’m 21 and only have one grandparent left. I also agree that i feel as if it’s super young and I’m jealous and feel like I miss out. 😦
That is young, for sure. Cherish your remaining grandparent!
I’m 15 at the moment and had lost all my grandparents by nine I’m the youngest in my family and my next sibling is 10 years older than me. I always feel uncomfortable when people especially older than my talk about their grandparents or that they had just passed since I feel like I never knew mine very well. My first granddad passed before I was one and then my other three grandparents passed between the time I was 7 and 9. I also don’t have many aunts alive anymore and I feel like my family is just shrinking day by day. I haven’t met over 80% of my family and I never will since they aren’t here anymore. I feel like I’m very alone since all my friends still have grandparents and I wish I did too!
Thanks for posting this, Phoebe. It is easy to feel a little pang of jealousy when friends still have grandparents who are alive. One thing you can do is find older people to bring into your life, and they can serve as de facto aunts or grandparents. Have you ever thought of volunteering at a senior center, nursing home, or something like that? If that’s an option for you, you might want to look into it. You’ll find a lot of really great people who would love the company of a young, thoughtful woman!
I had much older grandparents due to my parents being on the older side when they had me (even though I was their first), and my parents both being the youngest in their families. As a result I didn’t get to know my grandparents nearly as long as I would have liked, as they are all now deceased.
My dad’s dad died of a heart attack two years before I was born (June 1990) at the age of 76. It makes me sad that I never got to know him.
My maternal grandfather died at 88 of congestive heart failure and Alzheimer’s just before I turned 8, on May 10, 2000. My maternal grandmother died of Parkinson’s Disease exactly a year after him to the day (May 10, 2001), at the age of 82, just before I turned 9. I have some good memories of them (like my grandpa reading to me and pushing a firetruck back and forth with me), but more of when they were sick. They were both very ill and confused the last couple years, and my mom would visit them a lot to take care of them. My grandmother eventually could hardly move or swallow, and lost most of her hair. I remember her talking to what she thought were people in the room, but there was nobody there, as she also suffered from dementia. Parkinson’s is a terrible disease.
I knew my dad’s mom the longest out of all my grandparents: she died in September 2007 when I was 15 at the age of 87. She was the only one who saw me grow up and was a wonderful grandmother to me in many ways. Unfortunately she was also pretty ill the last few years of her life, suffering from strokes, falls, and kidney failure that left her completely unable to take care of herself.
I feel cheated that I didn’t know my grandparents nearly as long as a lot of others have, but I did have a wonderful great-aunt who died just last October when I was 21 and was a substitute grandmother to me in many ways. I have other great-aunts and uncles still alive (including a great-uncle who’s now 92) but I’m not as close with them.
Thanks for sharing this, James. I am much like you, in that my parents were in the younger half of their families and I am the youngest in my family. I really only knew two of my grandparents. I think many people are in our situation, but what it’s like to grow up without grandparents doesn’t get much consideration. I think it’s worth some thought.
We have a bit of a curse on the maternal side of the family – my mom’s dad died when she was 14, my dad when I was 16, her brother when my cousins were 15 & 18. Her other brother remains alive to parent my 19 and 17 year old cousins and with each year that passes Mom and I share those feelings of relief and jealousy. I also spastically worry if I will see widowhood before I’m 40 or 50. Death does these strange things to us, doesn’t it?
My dad’s father was taken down hard and fast with cancer when I was 14. My mom’s mother with cancer when I was 5. My paternal grandmother is still alive, though odds are the colon cancer she has will be what eventually knocks her down. Filling out medical charts at doc appointments are always amusing to me in a very black humor way: it seems like every box for every type of cancer has to be checked while the nurse stares at me in horror, like she could catch what must run through my veins.
Then there’s my great aunt Ethel, who will be celebrating her 101st bday this week. She seems nearly untouched by age and as she never married or had children – we believe she lost someone in WWII but will likely never know for sure – she is an honorary grandparent to us.
I’m laying in the hospital right now potentially facing the delivery of our first baby 7 weeks early. In the hectic days we’ve had lately I have seen a touching display of how fabulous a grandmother my mom will be, and it makes me grateful for all the grandparents that step up and are actively engaged in childrens’ lives!
Your family curse sounds like the one that plagues the males on my dad’s side of the family. My aunts are hanging tough, but many of my uncles died far too young.
Good luck with the baby! I’m sure you’re in good hands.
My last grandfather (paternal) died a couple of years ago this month, so I was 42. My maternal grandfather died in May 2010 (cancer)–he was like my second dad, so his death was very hard for me. My paternal grandmother died in May 2001 after battling Alzheimer’s for almost a decade. My maternal grandmother died in February 1990 of cancer. I was very fortunate to have them around so long, but I was also the oldest child of two oldest children. After my dad died when I was 3, my grandparents were instrumental in my upbringing, especially my mom’s parents. It was VERY strange the first year I couldn’t send any grandparents a Christmas card. I said out loud, “I don’t have any grandparents left” and felt dumbstruck. It also dawned on me that the next generation to go would be my mom’s.
I think my twins will also have their grandparents around for a long time. They still have one great-grandma (Dave’s paternal grandma), who is on our Christmas card this year; she’s 93.
You have been lucky! I remember you talking about your grandparents. They really did step in and help out after your dad died.
It’s good that your kids have their grandparents around, especially since they came into life one short 😦
My last grandparent died in 1999. I was 36. I wrote about her gravestone, if you’re interested: http://cemeterytravel.com/2011/12/01/weekly-photo-challenge-family/ She was such an enormous influence on me. There’s still a touch of her Missouri accent in my voice. Both of my grandfathers died before I was born, but I had both of my grandmothers into the 90s. I feel blessed. Thanks for asking the question!
I believe I was 19 when my last grandparent died. I did not know my paternal grandparents as they died in the flu epidemic of 1918. My maternal grandparents were quiet and didn’t say much either when they visited us or we them. No hugs, kisses or even interest in our young lives.
I guess that’s just how things were done back then. On my Facebook page, someone else said something similar about their grandparents–hard workers, but quiet and not saying much or interested in what the kids were doing. How times have changed! Grandparents are now so involved. But I remember Grandpa coming to grandparents’ day at school! That might have even been kindergarten–I was really little. I feel like Grandma Hager even came over for that same one, too.
Both of my grandfathers died before I was born. My maternal grandmother died when I was 10, I was the youngest of over 20 grandchildren. I remember her mostly from Sunday dinners with the aunts and uncles.
My paternal grandmother died when I was 18, our family wasn’t very close to her although she lived in the same town and my mom did a lot of care taking for her. One summer I had a garden at her house and I rode my bike over there to take care of it and would visit her.
I remember my maternal aunts performing many functions that were like grandparents. I had one aunt that made me a Christmas dress and an Easter dress every year. My aunts were frequent dinner guests and accompanied us to the cities frequently.
My first niece was born when I was 12, and I had the pleasure of seeing my parents become grandparents while I still lived at home. My parents were wonderful grandparents! They spoiled their granddaughters, and had patience, and read stories over and over, and played countless hands of UNO and 31. When I was in college I received care packages made by my mom as grandma, with the granddaughters help, of cut out cookies for every holiday that had cookie cutters! There is no way my mom would have done that as a mom, but she relished it as a grandmother! It was a joyous change to watch.
What a neat change to witness in your own mother! I think grandparents often do things with their grandkids that they would have never done with their own kids. I guess you just get a different perspective on the world with kids around.
My maternal grandmother died two months after I was born. I was nine when my paternal grandfather passed and in my early 30s when his wife died. I also was in my early 30s when my maternal grandfather died.
I remember my Grandma Ida the most as she was a quilter and gardener and lived only a mile away “in town.”
I wish I’d known my other grandmother because I’ve often heard about her kindness and compassion for others. I expect my mom is a lot like her.
It saddens me that my own children lost their paternal grandma 20 years ago. My daughters were six and seven and my son only a few months away from being born. We’ve always lived 2 1/2 hours away, in opposite directions, from the sets of grandparents, which also impacts relationships.
I agree that characteristics of our grandparents live on in their descendants. I also was lucky to have lived so close to my grandparents–grandpa a few steps away, and grandma about a half-hour drive away.
What really bothered me when my kids were in elementary school was “Grandparents Day.” While most of the other kids had grandparents living in the area, my three children did not. I felt bad for them, that they would be without a doting grandparent nearby on that special day.
Yes, you were fortunate to have grandparents nearby. That connection b/n generations is being lost today by distance and busy lives.
I’ve only lost one grandparent (my grandma) and that was when I was 27. But I feel very fortunate to still have 3 grandparents still living. My dad is an only child and my mom is the oldest, so yes I would agree that has an impact. My husband on the other hand grew up with only 1 grandma (his mom is the youngest and he is the youngest).
You are fortunate! Birth order makes a huge difference, for sure. You can share your grandparents with your husband 🙂 I had my husband’s grandma for four years after my own died, and I couldn’t have asked for a better substitute! She treated me and loved me as one of her own.
I’ve only lost one grandparent (my grandma) and that was when I was 27. But I feel very fortunate to still have 3 grandparents still living. My dad is an only child and my mom is the oldest, so yes I would agree that has an impact. My husband on the other hand grew up with only 1 grandma (his mom is the youngest and he is the youngest).